The reality

I don't know why, but it took almost 7.5 years. The reality of situation finally sunk in on my 27th birthday when I realized that this was the 8th birthday I will be spending without my dad. It was then when I finally realized that I will no longer have any new memories with him. Everything I have is just a distance memory that is getting further and further away. It's just a moment in time.. Some of those are so foggy that sometimes I don't even remember them at all. My heart sunk. I will never have a new memory with my dad. Never.. I don't know why, but it never dawned on me until now.

He will never be forgotten, but he will never be in any of my present day memories. Harry will never know who he is, only through my pictures and stories. I will never have any moments of Harry and my dad together.. Ever. I will never have any pictures of them together. It hurts thinking that the last time I saw him, I was 19 years old, a train wreck, drunk, and lost... He remains in my heart and thoughts all day, and I am thankful for the time I had with him. I just wish that a new memory could be made.

Of course, this now sent in a massive state of panic about death. Yes, death. To be quite honest, I am still a bit panicked about it. Death is final. It's the absence of life. Nothing. Of course, it's scary. I don't want a new die, but it's inevitable. So, the conclusion... Live your life to the absolute fullest. Be happy. Make unforgettable memories. Leave a footprint (a non literal one) on Earth for people to remember in years to come. Make the best out of this life..

Don't wait for the right moment... MAKE it happen!!!

RIP- Stephen John Kilyanek 9-14-06